Exploring Cultural Wisdom: What the Waitaha Teach Us About Modern Dating Laws
The Waitaha people, an ancient Polynesian culture in New Zealand, believed that all relationships are sacred and should be respected. Many stories were told and passed through the generations on the tale of two star-crossed lovers. Their tale reveals much about the way in which the Waitaha viewed love and relationships and how these perceptions translate into today’s dating and laws.
Dating age is a legal term which applies to sexual relationships between a person of the legal age of consent and in the State of North Carolina and an underage person. The law is a way to protect minors from engaging in sexual activity when they are physically, emotionally or psychologically unable to do so with a safe mindset. Those convicted of violating dating age laws in North Carolina may face misdemeanor or felony charges, depending on the particular circumstances.
The Waitaha people taught their children to respect and to never be permissive with their bodies. The rules against promiscuity were merely rules which provided a way of protecting young adults and did not ascertain what the individual could or could not do. Dating laws are more rigid in nature, setting an objective delineation between what is or is not permissible. Violations of the law are met with criminal penalties, whereas the Waitaha people simply taught their children that they could not engage in specific activities. Parents often reared children within the context of their own values and did not interpret to their children the specific laws of what is or is not acceptable. No matter how their offspring chose to live, the Waitaha still believed that relationships were sacred and should not be abused. While the consequences of breaking laws differ between the Waitaha and present-day laws, the overall theme is one of understanding and allowing the freedom for youth to explore and, if need be, learn from their mistakes.
While the Waitaha people believed in the sacredness of relationships, they also understood that youth can make decisions that are not intuitively safe. As such, their story of two star-crossed lovers reveals much about parental and peer pressure and understanding and respecting the limitations of youth. The story of the Waitaha lovers tells of two young lovers who went against the wishes of others and defy the strict rules associated with consent, which led the girl to fleeing to a distant island, leaving the boy distraught. His heart broken, he walked across the land until discovering another tribe who agreed to let him in. Although he soon gained much respect and honor, and the girl often thought of him, they were never seen together again. While the Waitaha people would not be concerned with laws as they are today, they would want youth to be mindful of their choices and to understand that their actions have consequences. The tale of the Waitaha lovers offers lessons that can be learned by those in similar situations today.
In the story of the Waitaha lovers, the girl was pressured by her parents not to date the boy and to wait until she was older, even though she was of legal age. She disobeyed, resulting in what she believed was the love of her life leaving her forever. While parents and elders do offer guidance, the Waitaha culture encouraged youth to learn on their own. They would discourage them from engaging in certain behaviors that were harmful to themselves or others, but would not limit their freedom except in extreme circumstances. While the girl in the Waitaha tale engaged in actions that were harmful to herself and the boy, her parents let her continue. Youth were not as restricted as they are today.
The Waitaha story of two star-crossed lovers reveals both the criminal implications of breaching relationship rules and the psychological ramifications that societal pressures and peer pressure have on relationships. In the story, the girl was pressured by others not to date the boy. Even though she was of the legal age to agree to a relationship, the pressure hurt her deeply, causing her to make decisions that she would later regret. Later, she was isolated from her peers. The delay, disapproval and social isolation may have been some of the reasons that the girl left the boy, although the story leaves many details unknown. Today, youth encounter similar problems when they engage in sexual acts before they have the maturity or mindset to do so without risking their safety. Peer pressure, disapproving parents, an unhealthy respect for elders, or feeling that they are “too old” to follow the rules of their culture lead many youth today into situations that cause them great harm psychologically and physically. The Waitaha people would advise their youth to always use protection, to not allow peer pressure to dictate their decisions, and to learn from their experiences while still maintaining their freedom to make their own choices. Modern youth should learn from the teachings of the Waitaha people, engaging in healthy relationships without violating the dating age laws of North Carolina.
While the Waitaha taught that relationships are sacred, they also encouraged the youth to think in ways that caused them to question their decisions. They enforced their rules about healthy relationships, which would be interpreted today in a number of ways, from the messaging of their ancestors to the laws that protect youth today. Where some might see these as restrictions, the Waitaha would see health and wisdom in the teachings passed down through the generations. The laws regarding dating and consent in North Carolina do not offer much freedom in thinking or behavior. The Waitaha taught that youth could learn from their mistakes, and they were not proscriptive in dictating behavior. Today, youth need protection from themselves, peers and parents who don’t understand the healthy balance of freedom and protection. This is why the waitaha legend of the star-crossed lovers is so relevant.
While the Waitaha people did not have laws like those we see today, they still offered protections for their youth and their relationships. It is essential that we embrace the wisdom gained from the teachings of our ancestors to understand why modern laws are not simply mere guidelines but protectors of our youth and their relationships. While we will always recall the story of the Waitaha lovers and think how great the pain would have been had they not engaged in the relationship or had they followed the rules, the reality is that they still would have felt the pain of youth, disobedience or anguish. They would have still encountered the pressures of peers, parents and understanding the consequences of their actions. With their wisdom and teachings, the Waitaha would have not encouraged them to drift apart. They would have seen the law for what it is – a protector of youth, their bodies and their relationships. This is an essential understanding that all youth should appreciate, regardless of the laws of their culture or time.
For more information on dating age laws, you can visit North Carolina General Statutes.
